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Culture · October 7, 2020

How to Make a Good Impression in Italy: A Guide to Italian Etiquette

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Customs in Italy vary by region, age, family and setting. These tips are useful starting points for respectful interaction, rather than rules that describe every Italian person.

From eye contact to using tu and Lei, trying to blend in with the Italians and make a bella figura (good impression) can be a minefield. Here are some tips to help you adjust to Italian manners and standards, and avoid awkward gaffes.

Learn the language

Knowing a few Italian greetings and polite phrases can make interactions easier. People’s willingness to help and comfort with other languages vary.

Learn some Italian. Even a little bit is fine! As long as you show them that you are trying to speak Italian, it will make them more likely to help you.

Meeting and greetings etiquette

When introduced, say hello and follow the other person’s lead. A handshake is common in some settings, but it is not required in every interaction.

Friendly attention can help during a greeting. Eye contact preferences differ, so avoid insisting on prolonged eye contact or treating someone’s looking away as rude.

Buongiorno and buonasera are useful polite greetings; arrivederci works when leaving. Ciao is informal and often best with people you know or in clearly informal situations.

See also: Basic Italian Greetings

How to do the Italian cheek kiss

Cheek kisses are common among some friends and relatives, but customs differ. A verbal greeting is always an option; do not assume a newly introduced person wants physical contact.

If someone offers a cheek greeting, follow their lead. The number of kisses and starting side vary by person and region.

It is fine to pause or keep a little distance if you are unsure. No greeting requires unwanted contact.

Cheek greetings are often light cheek-to-cheek contact or air kisses. There is no single compulsory sequence for every Italian encounter.

Dining etiquette in Italy

For a shared meal, considerate table manners and the host’s cues matter more than trying to memorize universal rules. These suggestions can help:

  • Don’t keep your hands in your lap during the meal. Keep both your hands above the table. Wrists should be on the table, but never your elbows. 
  • After food has been brought to the table, place your napkin on your lap and not around your neck.
  • Wait until everyone is served before starting to eat.
  • Eat with your mouth closed.
  • Don’t speak with your mouth full.
  • Don’t make loud noises when eating. If your food is hot, wait a couple of minutes to avoid any obnoxious noises.
  • Use your napkin to wipe your mouth before and after drinking, and be sure that the dirty part of your napkin is hidden.
  • Take small portions. If you want more, you can go back for a second helping.
  • You can ask for cold water: Acqua fresca, per favore. If you would like ice, ask Posso avere del ghiaccio? Availability varies.
  • If you do not want more wine, say No, grazie. You do not need to leave half a glass as a signal.
  • Avoid deliberate belching at the table; if it happens accidentally, a brief apology is usually enough.
  • Don’t use toothpicks at the table.
  • Do not smoke at the table without considering others. Smoking is prohibited in enclosed public venues and workplaces, with limited exceptions for designated smoking rooms. Follow posted and local outdoor rules.

In a restaurant, be polite with your waiter. Don’t call across the room for attention. If you want the bill, ask for it. Once you have finished your meal and are ready to go, politely signal for the waiter and say “Il conto, per favore” (The bill, please). The universal squiggly-finger-in-the-air hand signal will work too. 

A couple of extra tips for you:

  • Check the restaurant’s opening hours or reservation time. Dinner times vary, and some restaurants serve before 8 p.m.
  • Tipping is discretionary in many Italian restaurants. Check the bill for service charges and the separate coperto (cover charge), and decide whether to leave a small extra tip for good service.
  • In formal situations, avoid wiping the sauce off your plate with a piece of bread. Only if you are with your friends and family it’s okay to do so.
  • If invited to someone’s home, ask whether you can bring something. A small gift, dessert or drink can be welcome, but check dietary preferences rather than assuming wine is suitable.
  • Remain standing until invited to sit down, as you may be shown to a particular seat.
  • If you need salt or another condiment, ask politely. A dietary need or preference does not automatically insult the cook.
  • Thank your host before leaving. If you need to leave soon after eating, explain politely rather than assuming every dinner requires a long stay.

Buon appetito is widely used before meals. Some formal etiquette traditions discourage it, but it is not universally impolite. The story about medieval nobles and servants is not an established explanation to teach as fact.

See also: Italian Words and Phrases for Dining Out

Dress appropriately

Dressing well is a priority in Italy to make a bella figura. Remember, this is the country that gave the world Giorgio Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Prada, Versace, Gucci, Valentino, Missoni, Loro Piana and Bottega Veneta, just to mention a few. 

The right attire and how you present yourself speaks volumes in Italy. My tips for you:

  • Choose clean, comfortable clothes suited to the occasion and any stated dress code. Designer labels and expensive clothing are not required.
  • For a formal event, ask about the dress code; for everyday activities, comfortable casual clothing is usually appropriate.
  • In informal settings, choose clothes suitable for the weather and activity.
  • Beachwear may be inappropriate in churches, some restaurants and formal venues. Follow the setting’s dress code.
  • Choose footwear suited to the activity and venue. Comfortable walking shoes are practical for sightseeing; some formal places have their own rules.
  • Wear sunglasses if they are useful for the conditions. They do not need to be designer brands.

Religious sites may require covered shoulders and knees and restrict revealing clothing. Check the specific site’s dress code; a shawl can be useful. Respect worshippers and posted rules.

  • Never bring food into a church. 
  • Don’t sip from your water bottle while inside a church. 
  • Silence your phone and follow any photography rules.

Behave politely

Tu or Lei

Tu is informal and common with friends, family, children and in some peer groups. Lei is polite or formal and is often a safe choice with an adult stranger or in a professional setting. Age alone does not determine the choice.

Follow the other person’s lead or ask Possiamo darci del tu? (“May we use tu?”). Diamoci del tu means “Let’s use tu”; it is not literally a request to use first names.

Personal space

Leave enough space for the other person to feel comfortable, and adjust to their cues rather than following an exact arm’s-length rule.

Eye contact

Listen attentively and use comfortable eye contact. Looking away does not necessarily mean someone is hiding something or being unfriendly.

Don’t be loud

Match your voice to the setting. Libraries, hospitals and similar spaces generally call for quiet conversation.

Hold the door open

When you leave or enter a café, a shop or any other place, smile and hold the door open for people entering or leaving at the same time. That way you are not letting the door close in their face. This is a very nice little thing to do, which people will appreciate.

Cover your mouth when you cough, yawn or sneeze

For a cough or sneeze, cover your mouth and nose with a tissue or your bent elbow rather than your hand. A brief Scusi (formal singular), Scusa (informal singular) or Scusatemi (plural) can accompany an apology.

Never, ever put your feet or shoes on a chair or bench in public

Keep shoes and feet off shared seats and tables. Follow local rules and the setting’s expectations.

Shopping etiquette

In a smaller shop, a polite greeting on entry is common: Buongiorno, buonasera or salve. Salve is a neutral greeting, not the most formal choice in every situation.

If you are unsure about trying on or handling an item, ask Posso provarlo/provarla? (“May I try it on?”).

Some cashiers use a tray for cash and change. Follow their cue; this is not a rule for every shop or payment method.

Even if you haven’t bought anything, always say “grazie” (thank you) and “arrivederci” (goodbye) before leaving a shop. 

Doing Business in Italy

Arrive on time for job interviews and business meetings, and tell the organizer promptly if you will be late.

Dress for the organization and event. If the invitation does not specify a dress code, ask; a suit and tie or a gender-specific outfit is not obligatory everywhere.

Some businesses reduce activity or close for holidays in August. Confirm availability rather than assuming every company is closed.

Business gifts depend on the relationship and company policy. Ask about any rules before offering a gift.

Drinking 

Drinking habits differ. You can decline alcohol with No, grazie. Avoid disturbing others and follow local restrictions on drinking in public.

If you want to make a good impression and avoid awkward moments, it’s a good idea to review Italian etiquette rules before traveling to the Bel Paese.